How to Make Friends: 11 Tips for Building Close Connections as an Adult

Making new friends can be intimidating at any age, but it certainly seems to grow more challenging once we leave school behind.

While you probably had a circle of close friends back then, you may find that as you moved off to college or started working full time, the number of people you keep in close contact with has dwindled.

Maybe you’ve moved to a new state, or perhaps you’ve just decided it’s time to surround yourself with different people.

In any case, as an adult, you’ll have to do most of the work of making friends yourself. There are no assigned pairings, no games of jumprope or hopscotch for you to casually join—instead, your new playground will probably be your office break room or the happy hour scene.

But intimidating as it is, making new friends as an adult is not impossible: it just requires you to step out of your comfort zone and keep yourself open to possibilities.

How to Make Friends

These 11 tips will help you stay open to new friendships and build connections with confidence.

1. Start with people you know.

You don’t have to start approaching random strangers in order to find friends (although we’ll tell you how to do that later). Chances are, you probably already have a handful of acquaintances who might become closer friends if you give them a chance.

Start with the “hi-bye” types of friends, whom you might’ve chatted with in class or at work. Maybe you sensed a potential connection, but for whatever reason, never really got to know them better. Or, maybe you’ve lost touch with friends from earlier days.

Send a friendly message, just to say hi and see how they’re doing. Then, ask if they’d like to meet up for lunch or coffee some time to catch up.

Reaching out like this, even if you used to be close, can be intimidating because we fear rejection. But there’s no reason to stress! Getting messages like this actually makes people feel great. It’s very possible that they’ve thought about reaching out to you, but they were simply too shy to make the first move.

2. Volunteer.

Volunteering is a great way to get know to people in your community who have similar interests as you. This can be especially helpful if you’ve just moved to a new area where you don’t really know anyone.

The good think about meeting others through volunteer work is that most people who volunteer are generally compassionate, kind-hearted individuals, so you can be sure you’re courting quality friends.

3. Say ‘yes’ to invitations.

make friends at parties image — *Image by StockSnap from Pixabay*

This one can be especially hard for all us introverts. Many of us genuinely prefer to spend our Friday nights curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, reading books or watching movies with our pets. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But you’re not going to meet anyone that way.

Push yourself to say ‘yes’ to invitations at least once a week. Even if you have to drag yourself out of the house, you should keep an open mind and welcome the idea of meeting new people who could turn into friends.

When I started school in a foreign country, I knew I’d have to push myself outside my comfort zone if I wanted to meet new people and make friends. So, I started saying yes to invitations I would usually decline.

I attended special evening lectures, seminars, and other events organized by the university. When my roommate invited me to her friends’ dinner parties, I’d say yes, even if I was tempted to call it a night and watch Netflix. I even went on a blind date or two (one of which led me to my fiance!).

Regular alone time is a requirement for introverts to thrive—but you still have to make an effort to leave your lair every now and then to see what you could be missing.

4. Smile!

Once you’re at that event you agreed to attend, be aware of your body language. Are you smiling, keeping yourself open to the crowd, and making an effort to mingle with others? Or, are you sulking in the corner, one eye always on the clock?

I’m sure you can guess which set of behaviors are more likely to attract people your way. If you’re not ready to approach others first, at least make yourself approachable.

Some of us have to make more of an effort here than others. I, for example, have chronic RBF, and unless I make an effort to clearly smile, I have to constantly reassure people that I’m having a good time.

5. Go on friend dates.

Yep, swiping right isn’t just for bad first dates and random hookups anymore. You can actually use apps to meet potential friends!

Bumble BFF operates a lot like any other dating app, but it’s aimed at adults who are looking for totally platonic connections.

You just need to build a profile with a little bit about you and your interests before you can start swiping and matching with others. This post offers a helpful review of one woman’s experience using the app (though the app isn’t just for women—lots of guys use BumbleBFF too!).

You might not find a lifelong BFF with every “date,” but apps like this can help you build connections and start socializing with other people who share your interests.

6. Join online communities.

There are countless online communities you can join, whether you’re looking to eventually meet up in person or are fine with just chatting virtually.

For example, when I first moved to Rome, I immediately joined a Facebook group for expats. It’s mostly a place for people to ask questions, offer advice, or just vent some frustrations about starting life in a new country. But often enough, someone would organize a mixer at a local karaoke bar, or women would organize day trips to get to know other women in the city.

Meetup is another great tool for finding activities you’re interested in and meeting others like you in your area. There are hundreds of interest groups, with something for everyone, from wine lovers to board-game fanatics.

7. Make the first move.

Here’s another one that will send beads of sweat down the foreheads of my fellow introverts: sometimes, you’ll just have to make the first move.

Back in high school, there was nothing more horrifyingly lame than the idea of going up to a random person and asking if you could sit with them at lunch. Not to exaggerate, but it was basically social suicide. That’s really unfortunate, though, because once you get out in the real world, you can’t take your clique with you and eat together every day. In fact, there’s a good chance you’ll never eat lunch all together again.

So, what do you do? The adult thing. Either you get used to sitting alone in public (another thing we should normalize) or you summon the courage to talk to complete strangers.

On the first day of orientation, about 40 of us students were hanging out in the courtyard, waiting for the next pre-scheduled activity to begin, with roughly an hour to kill. We were a bunch of kids from all over the world, and almost no one had come there with a friend or someone they already knew. So there we were, a bunch of Gen Z strangers, awkwardly standing around the courtyard, pretending to look at our phones.

But I reminded myself of my pledge to step out of my comfort zone (a commitment I made more for survival than self-improvement). So when I spotted two girls at a table, sipping espressos but, like everyone else, pretending to look at their phone between awkward small talk, I approached and asked if I could sit with them.

They both looked up, smiled, and said “of course!” We chatted for a bit about where we were from and what we were studying. It didn’t lead to a deep friendship, but we would exchange waves around the halls in the semesters that followed. Similar efforts in those first days, however, did lead me to friends I would confide in and grab dinner with. I still talk to them today.

8. Keep an open mind.

In your quest for new friends, it’s critical that you keep an open mind. It’s nice to find people who share your interests, but don’t discard what could be a perfectly loyal friend just because their taste in movies appalls you.

Also remember that most friendships aren’t born overnight, but through time and trust, which can’t be rushed. Don’t write off a potential friend just because you’re not meshing the way you and your childhood bestie did after just a few weeks. Give the friendship time to blossom.

9. Be yourself.

You may need to push yourself to be a bit more outgoing when it comes to making introductions, but don’t change yourself to make new friends.

Don’t fake your interests just to be agreeable or have something to talk about. While this may be the more comfortable option at first, projecting false notions about yourself will only lead to uncomfortable situations later.

Be yourself, whether that means being loud and outgoing, or content with some silence. You’ll attract the right people for your life by being authentically you.

10. Get to know them.

When you’re mingling with others, take some time to get to know them—don’t just talk about yourself!

It’s nice to open up and share your own experiences, especially when you’re trying to see if there’s a connection. But make sure you listen as much as you talk.

Ask questions, and pay attention when the other person speaks. Take time to get to know them. Even if you don’t turn out to be best friends forever, you might learn something from them, or form a new connection that could come in handy later on.

11. Put in the effort.

Think you’ve just made a new friend? Great! But this is just the beginning. As with any relationship, you’ll both need to put in effort for your friendship to thrive.

Learn what it takes to be a good friend. Do the big things, like being trustworthy and reliable; but don’t neglect the small things, like checking in on them, scheduling “friend dates,” and just being there to listen when they need to talk.

Don’t rush things. With time and experience, you’ll develop more trust between each other, and your bond will strengthen.

How Can an Introvert Make Friends?

Introverts will shudder at the thought of many tips mentioned in this post, because most of us hate making the first move and leaving ourselves vulnerable.

However, you don’t need to totally change your personality (nor should you!) in order to make friends. Just have a little faith, and trust that that “awkwardness” you feel in the initial stages will go away with time. (And chances are, it’s all in your head anyway!)

Why You Need Friends

Humans are inherently social creatures (yes, even those of us who prefer staying to attending parties). We need at least a handful of close relationships to survive and thrive. In fact, one Harvard study found that a lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death—from all causes—by 50 percent.

And while there are perhaps more ways than ever to keep us connected, your 800 Instagram followers are no substitute for true friends.

So if you find yourself in a new environment, or that some of your old connections have faded, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and welcome new friendships. It might take some effort on your part, but the results are well worth it. Life is too hard to get through alone.

Did you find this post helpful? Let us know in the comments below!

If you enjoyed this post, then you might also like:

The post How to Make Friends: 11 Tips for Building Close Connections as an Adult appeared first on TCK Publishing.

Search This Blog

TCK Publishing Videos